2 years ago
Saturday, October 30, 2010
pregnancy clumsiness
If clumsiness is a sign of labor, I would be having this baby any second. Seriously. I've broken 2 glass bowls in 3 days. Sigh.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
information overload
Internet is a funny thing. It's become such a huge huge part of the society - it's where people go to connect, to find information, to work, to game to... pretty much everything. With Google, I can find recipes in a few seconds and with Amazon, I can order books, so they conveniently arrive on my doorstep. With Skype, I can talk to my parents almost daily, and show them my baby who is growing so fast. My mom used to mention when we first started doing this - "Oh my, the world has changed so much. Who knew?"
Who knew. Internet is an integral part of my life, and of my husband, who works from home. He chats & talks to his co-workers from home, and he loves it.
I find that Internet is also a source of information overload for me. Kris loves watching random YouTube videos... I hate it. He reads up on BBC headlines almost every day. All I manage to do is read up on a couple of blogs that I follow, and Facebook. Too much information just clutters my mind, and I don't find it fun to be browsing for random information.
After I became a mom, though, researching sort of became important. There are SO many issues out there, and really, the best place for finding out information was the internet. It's not like I was gonna call Alaise's pediatrician on a daily basis to ask this and that. So I start listening to other people's opinions... Reading up on their reasoning, etc. Then I find out that there are usually two camps of people on most issues, and their opinions vary tremendously. Overloaded, again. Way too much information. I wish making choices as a mom was simpler. Like asking my mom, or Kris' mom, and doing what our parents did. But the world changes so much every day, and if I don't keep up with it, I am making my choices blindly.
I envy mothers who are so sure of their opinions... Who KNOW what they believe, who can site all the sources that they trust. Not only moms, I guess, but people in general. People who are so certain of their positions, to go as far as calling people who don't believe the same "irresponsible". Not to say it's a good thing to call other people irresponsible, but to be so sure of their choice in an issue. I envy them. I find that I can't process all the information I come across - I get overwhelmed, and it makes my brain shut down... It becomes very stressful.
The only thing I am sure of, as a mother, is to raise my children in my and my husband's faith. To raise them to believe in God, and Jesus as a savior. That's about it. All the other stuff? Well. I guess I'll just have to do my best... I can't say I'll be making the right choices each time. But I do promise, that I'll do the best I can.
Who knew. Internet is an integral part of my life, and of my husband, who works from home. He chats & talks to his co-workers from home, and he loves it.
I find that Internet is also a source of information overload for me. Kris loves watching random YouTube videos... I hate it. He reads up on BBC headlines almost every day. All I manage to do is read up on a couple of blogs that I follow, and Facebook. Too much information just clutters my mind, and I don't find it fun to be browsing for random information.
After I became a mom, though, researching sort of became important. There are SO many issues out there, and really, the best place for finding out information was the internet. It's not like I was gonna call Alaise's pediatrician on a daily basis to ask this and that. So I start listening to other people's opinions... Reading up on their reasoning, etc. Then I find out that there are usually two camps of people on most issues, and their opinions vary tremendously. Overloaded, again. Way too much information. I wish making choices as a mom was simpler. Like asking my mom, or Kris' mom, and doing what our parents did. But the world changes so much every day, and if I don't keep up with it, I am making my choices blindly.
I envy mothers who are so sure of their opinions... Who KNOW what they believe, who can site all the sources that they trust. Not only moms, I guess, but people in general. People who are so certain of their positions, to go as far as calling people who don't believe the same "irresponsible". Not to say it's a good thing to call other people irresponsible, but to be so sure of their choice in an issue. I envy them. I find that I can't process all the information I come across - I get overwhelmed, and it makes my brain shut down... It becomes very stressful.
The only thing I am sure of, as a mother, is to raise my children in my and my husband's faith. To raise them to believe in God, and Jesus as a savior. That's about it. All the other stuff? Well. I guess I'll just have to do my best... I can't say I'll be making the right choices each time. But I do promise, that I'll do the best I can.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
birthday weekend
So, yesterday was Alaise's first birthday. I'm proud to say (for no real good reason), I didn't cry. :) I didn't want to start down that path and feel ick all day long. I fixed her seaweed soup for lunch, and we had a small birthday meal. And dinner was at WHAM, our church group. She was such a happy girl... She's always been very social, and she loves being around new people. She was being so cute all night long.
Anyway. Today will be a full day, although I've had some down time already. Went to Sam's this morning to grab some finger foods for the party tomorrow. They always have decent frozen stuff. I didn't end up buying cheesecakes... But for my hubby, I did buy the Eclaires. He loves those. :D
I've already baked 2 batches of cupcakes - white cupcakes & coconut cupcakes. The coconut cupcakes are very yummy, but not very coconut-y. I'm debating whether to just frost it with regular frosting, or go ahead and make cream cheese frosting and top it with coconut... The rest of the day will consist of: (if my hubby gets around to coming back from his morning session at the office)
*Bake chocolate zucchini cupcakes
*Make 2 breakfast casseroles
*Make 1 bread pudding
*Make frosting
*Possibly transport all we can to IL's house, where the party will be
Tomorrow morning:
*Frost cupcakes (this may need to be done tonight... I'm just not sure how much in advance I can frost cookies!)
*Make fruit salad
*Pop the casseroles, bread pudding, and Sam's frozen appetizers in the oven at IL's.
It doesn't seem like much... But I am mentally and emotionally overwhelmed. Oh, and I want to wrap and/or take pictures of some of the gifts I got her for her birthday too. Kris says he wants to get her something from "daddy"... But I don't know if that's going to happen.
How is my little Lacey Bug already 1 year old? Really?? How did that happen???
Anyway. Today will be a full day, although I've had some down time already. Went to Sam's this morning to grab some finger foods for the party tomorrow. They always have decent frozen stuff. I didn't end up buying cheesecakes... But for my hubby, I did buy the Eclaires. He loves those. :D
I've already baked 2 batches of cupcakes - white cupcakes & coconut cupcakes. The coconut cupcakes are very yummy, but not very coconut-y. I'm debating whether to just frost it with regular frosting, or go ahead and make cream cheese frosting and top it with coconut... The rest of the day will consist of: (if my hubby gets around to coming back from his morning session at the office)
*Bake chocolate zucchini cupcakes
*Make 2 breakfast casseroles
*Make 1 bread pudding
*Make frosting
*Possibly transport all we can to IL's house, where the party will be
Tomorrow morning:
*Frost cupcakes (this may need to be done tonight... I'm just not sure how much in advance I can frost cookies!)
*Make fruit salad
*Pop the casseroles, bread pudding, and Sam's frozen appetizers in the oven at IL's.
It doesn't seem like much... But I am mentally and emotionally overwhelmed. Oh, and I want to wrap and/or take pictures of some of the gifts I got her for her birthday too. Kris says he wants to get her something from "daddy"... But I don't know if that's going to happen.
How is my little Lacey Bug already 1 year old? Really?? How did that happen???
Thursday, October 21, 2010
nostalgia isn't always good
I'm really not that good at keeping up a blog, even though I really want to. And I already have a blog that I used to write in - the one my husband created in Drupal for our family. But as much as I feel like a traitor to be blogging here (sorry, Drupal...), I find that sometimes, I need my own space. Maybe some place where I can mess with the template, depending on my mood. Maybe some place, that's more... anonymous, as no one knows I'm blogging here. Anyway. As tomorrow is my daughter's first birthday, I felt the urge to "vent" somewhere.
I find myself in less than excited mood today. It seems like I should be literally bubbling up inside, with excitement and joy of seeing my daughter grow up, turning one year old. 364 days have gone by since she came out into this world, into our family. And for some reason, I'm just not excited. All I want to do is curl up and cry. Which makes me feel like a bad mother. ::sigh::
Kris thinks maybe it's me worrying about time flying by too fast? Maybe. It really has flown by fast. Every day, when Alaise does something new... Or something cute... Pretty much anything, really -- even simple smiles just don't get old -- my heart bursts with joy. But tomorrow, I'm dreading tomorrow. I don't know why.
And as I re-visit last year's ordeal, anxiety grows. My delivery experience was less than desirable, and sometimes, visiting the past fills me with tainted color of some sort... Somehow it pollutes everything. I think it's creeping into what should be a joyous occasion for me, tainting it with anxiety and dread. What bothers me more sometimes is the fact that I can't remember a lot of it. I always have to ask Kris what happened, and if he can't remember, well, it's a hole in my memory.
It's bedtime, and I still have soup cooking on the stove. I'm making seaweed soup for tomorrow, to make sure Alaise gets to eat a piece of my tradition to celebrate her first birthday. After eating the soup at the hospital, it really does mean a lot more to me. It's the soup that gave me comfort & nourishment, and it's the soup that gave my mother comfort & nourishment after she had me. So we'll eat seaweed soup tomorrow, and celebrate the day she came into our arms. And hopefully, I won't break down in tears as I watch her get her first taste of my soup.
I find myself in less than excited mood today. It seems like I should be literally bubbling up inside, with excitement and joy of seeing my daughter grow up, turning one year old. 364 days have gone by since she came out into this world, into our family. And for some reason, I'm just not excited. All I want to do is curl up and cry. Which makes me feel like a bad mother. ::sigh::
Kris thinks maybe it's me worrying about time flying by too fast? Maybe. It really has flown by fast. Every day, when Alaise does something new... Or something cute... Pretty much anything, really -- even simple smiles just don't get old -- my heart bursts with joy. But tomorrow, I'm dreading tomorrow. I don't know why.
And as I re-visit last year's ordeal, anxiety grows. My delivery experience was less than desirable, and sometimes, visiting the past fills me with tainted color of some sort... Somehow it pollutes everything. I think it's creeping into what should be a joyous occasion for me, tainting it with anxiety and dread. What bothers me more sometimes is the fact that I can't remember a lot of it. I always have to ask Kris what happened, and if he can't remember, well, it's a hole in my memory.
It's bedtime, and I still have soup cooking on the stove. I'm making seaweed soup for tomorrow, to make sure Alaise gets to eat a piece of my tradition to celebrate her first birthday. After eating the soup at the hospital, it really does mean a lot more to me. It's the soup that gave me comfort & nourishment, and it's the soup that gave my mother comfort & nourishment after she had me. So we'll eat seaweed soup tomorrow, and celebrate the day she came into our arms. And hopefully, I won't break down in tears as I watch her get her first taste of my soup.
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