empty

It's amazing how much space two people can fill.  To go from 7 people to 5 in a household - it makes such a HUGE difference.  We came back today from dropping my parents off in Dallas.  They've flown back to Korea, and will be flying back to Indonesia in January.  It was so hard to say goodbye to them, as it is every time.  Goodbyes never get easy, it seems, even though I've said them hundreds of times to close family and friends in my life.  (I wonder what it feels like to live in a same town most of one's life, surrounded by family and friends...  It would be nice to experience the difference!)

It was especially difficult, knowing that my parents were deeply attached to Alaise.  They've spent SO much time with her while they've been here, and most days, mom was almost the primary caretaker for her. Thanks to Skype and video, we get to talk almost daily face to face, (or rather, monitor to monitor) it really is different to have them in person, to watch them hold her, kiss her, teach her stuff, and (fortunately or unfortunately?) spoil her.  I think they'll really miss her.  And of course Kai...  But baby Kai doesn't have much personality yet (except for his temper when he cries - he gets SO mad sometimes!), so he gets held most of the day, and that's the extent of the interaction.

Anyway.  So we drove back home after dropping them off.  I managed not to cry, which is really good...  Last year, I bawled like a little babe.  It may be that I'm absolutely EXHAUSTED down to my bones right now.  I've been sick for three days, and hardly have eaten anything.  (Which is saying a lot, as I hardly ever lose my appetite, even when I'm sick...)  The house feels so much emptier, and it makes my heart ache when I see the last touches of my mother around the house - the dishes washed, the guest room cleaned, the bed made, baby clothes folded, the cups in wrong places in the cupboard.

As I walk around the house feeling lost, I realize I've got my hands full and then some.  :)  And I see my little toddler, making a mess of her toy box...  She sees me, raises her arms up, opens and closes her fists - her way of saying "pick me up please!".  I pick her up, and as she clings to me, the world feels like it's going to be okay.  I think despite what I may feel today, things are going to be okay.  Because I have my beautiful daughter, my gorgeous son, my fun (albeit sometimes obnoxious) brother, and my bestest friend in this house still.

But mom & dad, how I already miss you so.